Death by chance

You are crossing road. And suddenly a car comes from nowhere at a high speed and boom…crashes on you, you are dead. Was it death by chance? Or was it destiny? Or was it combination of both? Or did your god decide that your time was up? If so, then why so early – you have not even lived half of normal life expectancy of a human? Did you do so much bad in your so less time at earth that you deserved to die? What about your family – why they need to suffer every moment for rest of their lives missing you?

I was asked a question couple of months back in a corporate training – what do I fear the most in life. My reply left many surprised – I said an unnatural unexpected death. Obviously hearing this I was asked to explain a bit more in detail to which I replied that I don’t believe in god, I don’t believe in hell and heaven. I believe that once I die – I will not feel anything after that, there is no afterlife. I know no one understood there what I meant. I know many stopped listening to me after hearing out my first few words which were “I don’t believe in god”.

My theory is that there is someone powerful controlling me but it is not god. If it was god – he would not do bad to good people, if he wanted to kill someone then I am very much sure there are much more bad people on this planet that he should had called. There is someone else in this galaxy who is controlling our lives (may be something matrix like – who knows). If god created us, then atleast he should have given everyone same number of years to live. Oh god if you are there, then you should not have done that – you should have atleast kept some equality in human beings.

A complete life???

I have been running for last almost four years for a moment when I could say that my life is complete. I don’t think it has happened till now. Initially I used to feel sad about it thinking why am I not able to achieve that despite trying my best. My definition of a complete life was simple – being with family and friends, finding happiness in that and trying my best to keep them happy too.

I think the circumstances and the direction in which my life has moved in last 8-10 months, it will never happen. I feel I need to change my definition of a complete life if I want to remain happy. May be living at a distance remains the only solution where I can be happy and I can keep them happy too. May be that is the destiny or may be that is what is the meaning of life. I do not know if it is a selfish thought or a realistic thought but it is what seems to be happening. I guess its time I change my definition of a complete life to limit my and other people sadness.

It does not mean that I am going to forget the original definition of a complete life. I can never forget that and deep inside I can never stop running after that. But it is something which I have to leave it on time and hope that it happens. For everyone’s including my happiness its something I can not openly run after. It is something which now needs to start moving towards me by luck or by chance.

At first, I thought it is going to be very difficult. But then the support of everyone around me over the last few months (which have been quite tough) in making this transition has made this task easier. I guess it has actually taken me somewhere a step closer. And I now actually have started to understand that no matter how much the physical distance is between the loved ones, love never gets lost.

Living upto the expectations

I wonder what a sportsperson goes through when he is playing for the country. Millions of people have high expectations from him, expectation to perform and above all win – win it for the country.

And here I am, a normal human but still somewhere sometimes feel the burden of expectations.

It makes me feel surprised sometimes when my dad does not question me on my decision (even if it’s the biggest decision of my life which is likely to have an impact on entire family) and says “tu kar raha hai to theek hi karega”.

It makes me feel surprised sometimes when my mom says “teri khushi mein hamari khushi”.

It makes me feel surprised sometimes when my friends come and say “tu bond hai – tu kar lega sab”.

It makes me feel surprised sometimes when everyone around me has the belief in me and I am the one who is lacking the confidence. May be that is what pushes me to make an extra effort to ensure that I live up to the expectations of people close to me.

May be that is my nature – that is what I thrive on, getting motivated by other people expectations.

Thank you everyone, thanks for all the support and love. I will not let you down. J

You are the one

You are the one…

I know you will stand with me, when no one else will.

You are the one…

I know you will not ask me any question, when the world will doubt me.

You are the one…

I know you will hold my hand, when I begin to fall.

You are the one…

I know you will walk with me, even on the toughest of the path.

You are the one…

I know you will continue to trust me, even if I don’t do it myself.

You are the one…

Because I know you are one.

Is this the way

Firstly I didn’t believe what I was reading. Then I read it again. Then again. Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich had to quit because his personal opinion was against same-sex marriage. He donated $1000 in 2008 to a campaign fighting against it. So when this was publicly disclosed, he faced opposition online with some websites restricting access to people using Mozilla browser. The Mozilla management acted on this and are taking pride in removing him.

Am not questioning the same-sex marriage topic here. I do not wish to disclose my views on this topic on a public forum – I guess it can have its repercussions either ways. My intention here is to raise the topic of “right to freedom of opinion”. Eich had his opinion and he was left with only one option to save the job – that was to apologize for what he believed in. He did not, and he had to leave his job. 

Now again, am not trying to defend him on his view on same-sex marriage, am trying to question the people who raised voice against him and also the Mozilla management. What I could gather so far is that he made a public statement when this controversy erupted and said that he will not change any company policies which acknowledge same-sex marriages. So what he was saying was that though its his personal opinion that he is against it, the company as a whole will continue to acknowledge and respect same-sex marriages.

I am not sure that any gays/lesbians will be feeling proud of what has just happened. I do not see this as the way to show that the world is changing and is accepting them. It’s a forceful acceptance. Are all the employees of Mozilla accept same-sex marriage? Do they ask in interview whether the candidate is for/against same-sex marriage and do they actually not select those who say against ? Isnt this forcing an opinion in a free society. If things actually go this way, then I fear it is the beginning of killing the freedom to have your own personal opinion.

I think the entire concept of freedom is to do and support what you feel is right. So to remove someone because he has his own personal views which is against something is not correct. Its his personal views and as long as he has not done anything in the organization to enforce his views he should not be punished. I may be wrong here in this post but I am still shocked that this entire episode has happened. And I again repeat am no where trying to say if I am for/against same-sex marriage. I will like to keep this opinion personal and not to put it on web.

Rab ne banaa di Jodi

I saw this movie when I was in Infosys campus, Mysore. I know most of the people think that it’s a stupid movie but it does not matter to me. There is some kind of connect I have with this movie. The other day I downloaded this movie and watched it completely non-stop. Oh yes, you can call me a true SRK fan.

Somewhere I think its actually the SRK movies which are keeping love alive. It is his movies like DDLJ, kuch kuch hota hai, rab ne banaa di Jodi, Veer Zaara, Jab tak hai Jaan etc etc which reminds us of what love is actually. It reminds us that love is unconditional. If its love, it is true – you don’t need to prove it. It reminds us that love is simple and is a beautiful feeling. There is a sense of peace even if it hurts sometimes.

My viewpoint on love has never changed and I don’t think so it will. I was and am believer in love – may be because I grew up watching SRK movies and I accept it no matter what people think. I actually find it strange that all those people who criticize his movies for over-characterization of love actually go and watch his movies each and every time in theatres. I guess somewhere they think that its COOL to criticize romantic movies. So so so stupid of those people I say…

I think 50-60 years down the line, when am sure love will not exist on this planet anymore – it will be these movies which people will see and say that once upon a time there was a feeling like this which was called Love.

Rush

“A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.”

I must have watched “The pursuit of Happyness” a lot of times. Its definitely amongst my favorite movies. It’s a movie which holds a special place – as it has been the movie which I always watched when I felt sad. It has been the movie which helped me by motivating me during a bad phase in my life.

But off late I have not watched this movie. Its not that there have not been times in last year when I needed an external push to get back to my normal self, its just that I think the kind of motivation I now need is not given by this movie anymore. Thankfully, I don’t need any more motivation to understand that life is good, I don’t need any more motivation to understand that there is always a light at the end of tunnel (I have seen that already). And above all, I don’t feel any need to remind me that life needs to be valued.

I guess recently the movie which makes me feel motivated is “RUSH” for two reasons : 1) It is a sports movie (F1), 2) It is a very different movie in the sense that it shows both the characters in a positive way and leaves you with a thought to decide who actually you want to be like. It inspires you to follow your dreams, it instills an urge to go after it and not allow anyone/anything to come in between. It makes you understand that you need to stop worrying about others who are inconsequential in my life.

The movie is amazingly directed, the background music is great. The beginning and end of the movie is spectacular. I actually felt surprised when it was not nominated for Oscars but later on realized that a movie of rivalry between an Austrian and British has no place in Oscars.

Watch it if you haven’t seen it yet – its definitely worth it.

“You are... but trust me: watching you win those races, while I was fighting for my life, you were equally responsible for getting me back in the car.”