The unfinished stories

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya

Jab ghum ka saya lehraya

Jab aansoo palkon tak aya

Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya

Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya

…Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain

Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain

Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa

Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa

Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai

Har pal ek naya mausam hai

Kyun tu aise pal khota hai

Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

This beautiful poem is from the movie zindagi na milegi dobara and comes after farhan akhtar meets his dad played by naseerudin shah for the first time. During the conversation, his dad tells him that he  always wondered what he would say to him when they meet eventually. Farhan wanted to meet him once to finish the chapter related to his dad and clear all the surounding questions. He wanted to stop thinking about that person in future and continue with his life.

I will be turning 26 in couple of months time and i can recollect that there are 4-5 people with whom my contact ended abrupty. we stopped talking all of sudden because of some reason, we never said bye to each other. In couple of instances, I was the reason for this sudden end and in others it was because of the other person that we had to part ways. in short, some stories in my life are incomplete.

 I have  a very strange belief...i believe that before I die, I will get a chance to meet all those people and complete the unfinished stories. I know it sounds weird , but I do strongly believe in this. Neither of us are making an attempt to meet but am sure we are destined to meet.

And it has happened with me in past, from no where i met one of them after almost three years. Our chapter which was incomplete got finished and we are again no longer in touch. But definitely it did bring some peace to me as there are no more unanswered questions in my mind related to that person.

There are couple of persons in this list whom I wish to meet as soon as possible and there are couple whom am scared to meet. Come what may, we will meet. 

If only dreams come true

I mentioned it in a post of mine (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/05/quotes-and-me.html) that my favorite quote is "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". Its a beautiful- quote and sums up the true meaning of life - expect the unexpected.

So many times it happen, that we dream or plan something and exactly the opposite happens. Sometimes you are so close in achieving your dream but at last moment things dont work out and you are left wondering. It hurts all the more if the situation is not under your control as then you cant blame yourself of not putting in the required effort. It frustrates you further more when people say " jo bhi hota  hai achhe ke liye hota hai" or " bhagwaan ke aage kiski chalti hai". Being a follower of philosophy of karma, i am never able to buy these viewpoints.

I am right now feeling exactly the same as mentioned in above paragraph, feel like shouting, crying and asking for an answer that why things havent worked out this time. I dont know how to look at this situation. On a negative side but being honest, a little part of me always doubted that the plan will come true, on a positive side am experiencing this kind of sadness feel after a long time. I guess last one was that in my last couple of months in infy which actually consoles me a bit as it makes me feel that my life right now is actually not that bad relatively.

Sometimes i wonder what my life would have been if my dreams had come true. But then i wonder if actually some of them were equivalent to nightmares.....

The guy in the mirror

I realised one thing today. It is so easy to lie to the whole world, so easy to hide your feelings, so easy to show yourself strong. But it is damn difficult to convince yourself about that lie, damn difficult to ignore the feelings, nearly impossible to act strong.

It's really strange that every now and then I see a (beautiful) nightmare that makes me realise how different is my life to what I dreamed of. It makes me realise how helpless I am for myself. I can't do anything about it, I can't talk about it with anyone, worst I can't ignore it even.

I think about it the whole night and then get back to work in morning. I get busy in my life again and somewhere that dream/nightmare gets lost in all .

Some dreams are destined to stay as dreams for life. You might not achieve them , you might even have stopped trying for them, but that does not mean those dreams die. Atleast for me.

I still dream about them because somewhere I hope that someday someway someone will help me achieve them. it's just despite giving the best shot in past, I don't deserve it right now. But my time will surely come and  one day I will be able to face that guy in the mirror with same honesty, strength and smile.

This beautiful line from my fav movie the pursuit of happyness summarises my thoughts right now : you got a dream, you got to protect it.

Kuch kuch hota hai

My favourite on screen pair without a doubt is Sharukh Khan and Kajol. Every time I see them together on screen , strangely I feel a sense of peace, they remind me of what love actually is.

From ddlj, kuch kuch hota hai to my name is khan, i have loved watching this pair on screen. For me they are a symbol of love, as in the movies in which they were paired together are so romantic. Am not sure if in reality love stories like these exists.

I know a lot of people criticise Srk for being one dimensional and arrogant but for me this guy is an inspiration . He has come such a long way without having a godfather. From a normal Delhi guy to literally king of the world.

And Kajol, what to say about her. I like the way she dresses, simple yet classy in Indian clothes. I hope the current actresses learn something from her.

I can watch their movies again and again. I wish they act together in some movie again.

And I move on….

I realized one thing in last 2-3 months, people, relationships etc change very fast. A close friend with whom you love to share your life and thoughts with, one day all of sudden is no longer the one you feel like calling. One issue and everything changes. I don’t know what’s the reason behind this, might be ego. Somewhere I am egoistic too, but then my ego gets softened over time when I realize that because of my ego I will end up losing an important friend in my life.

Am not trying to show myself positively here, but I have done this in past. Sometimes due to an argument/difference of opinion/fight/misunderstanding , it happened that I ended up creating a distance with a close friend. And both of us were not ready to break the ice and were waiting for the other person to do that. In all those cases , I broke the ice and stepped forward to start conversation again. More often than not I succeeded. But sometimes I failed. More recently in last 2-3 months, I did this with couple of people who were very important to me at one of time but I guess I failed. I felt that there wasn’t any inclination from other side.

The entire situation did affect me. I felt bad about what happened. But then this time it was little different. I felt bad for very short time thinking that how the other person behaved with me. But after that short time , I started to feel good and was over it. How this happened, well a very simple thought came to my mind this time. I felt happy and proud thinking that I stepped forward and tried to re-ignite the lost friendship. I will not be having that thought in my mind the whole life that just because of my ego I lost a friend. I set aside my ego for my friendship and stood by it. And it was because of the other person that it did not work out. May be the meaning and value of the relation was not that important for the other person.  

With this thought, I move on. I move on with happiness, with no regret and after giving my best. I move on with a clear mind. I move on wishing them the best in life. I move on looking forward to my future. I move on with self respect , I move on after being a good friend who tried his best. I move on the way Rauuullll always move on : I move on without changing a bit for them.