The little part of me

Was going through an old diary that I wrote around 3 and half years back (somewhere in Jan or Feb 09 when I was in infy campus, mysore) and found this one scribbled on the back page. 

We may not have talked for years,

But your voice still echoes in my ears.

You may not be physically with me here,

But I see you every moment every where.

Not being with you fills me with sadness,

But waiting for you brings a sense of happiness.

To forget you is what always tries my mind,

But its my heart that will keep us forever bind.

You may not be a part of my destiny,

But no one can take you out of my little fantasy.

Right vs Right

Its been long time. They both haven’t seen each other for years now. Everything was perfect between them. They both loved each other. But then if everything remains perfect, then its not life – it is a dream. And a dream ends eventually. The same thing happened between them, a difference of opinion in view about their relationship led to them getting separated. The difference : He loved her more than she loved him.

When they last met, he told her that he still believes in their love and will love to stay together forever and if even this means staying away for some time and then getting back he is ready to wait. He told her that she can focus on her career and come back whenever she feels she is ready to be in a state to commit for life. She promised she will come back if she feels the same.

1 year passed, 2 years passed, 3 years passed. As decided they both did not speak to each other, have no clue about whereabouts of the other person. The difference – the guy still remembers the promise and the girl holds the right to fulfill it.

Over the time, the girl realized that she does not wish to come back. She realized that he is not the one for her. She moved on. She settled down and hoped that he also would have moved on. She prayed for his happiness in future.

Over the time, the guy’s feeling became stronger and stronger. He realized that she is the one for her. It hurt him every minute waiting for her but at same time he felt happiness in waiting for her. He did not wish to move on unless he heard from her about what she decided. 

His friends did not like his approach and told him to move on. He replied negatively. On consistent insistence, he agreed to get in touch with her and ask her about what she feels now. He tried calling her, but the number did not exist. He went to her home but the home was locked, he got to know from neighbours that the family that lived there moved out couple of years back and they have no clue where they went. He mailed her but mail bounced back. He tried social networking sites but to no avail.

He still waits for her, he believes in his love. She is well settled in her life now, has a loving husband and a kid. He hopes that she will come back but she is happy in her life.

Whilst she comes in his dreams every night, he comes in her dreams occasionally and she silently prays then that he has forgotten her and moved on just like her.

Whilst he wants to meet her once, she does not as she is scared that it might spoil her married life if someone gets to know about him.

He has no clue that she is happily settled and she has no clue that he still loves her truly madly deeply.

P.S. Writing fiction after a long time, last one: http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/05/truth-for-some-fiction-for-others.html

That empty feeling...

Its strange life. Frankly I am not sure if am moving in right direction, am not sure if all the sacrifices are worth it, am not sure if am going to regret the decision to stay away from family and friends in delhi...

I hear people saying 'live the moment'. I hear another section of people saying 'work hard to make a better tomorrow'. 

I guess right now am working towards the latter. Its not that am not enjoying the moment but its just because i dont have that much company to enjoy here in chennai.i miss delhi a lot. Luckily i do have few friends here.

There is always an empty feeling staying here offset to quite some extent by a feeling that things will be better in future.

Looking forward to a holiday in delhi in a month time. 

What is pressure...

When Jose Mourinho was asked if he is under pressure being the Chelsea manager, he famously replied, "Pressure? What pressure? Pressure is poor people in the world trying to feed their families. Working from dawn till dust just to feed their young. There is no pressure in football."

”

I always wonder how much we complain about pressure in life, i also sometimes go over the board complaining about my job timings, work pressure, pressure living away from the family. But at the same time i always end this by saying that I dont mind this life right now as its not the worst, i am still well off and feel blessed. 

I admit last few weeks have actually made me feel little pressurised living here in Chennai. The urge in me to be around my family and close friends in delhi has increased a lot.When someone asks me how am able to survive in chennai away from family for more than a year, i always reply that i compare today with the situation i was in 2009 and i see that time as the threshold above which i cant sustain pressure. So till the time am not in that bad situation i will keep fighting.

What made me to write this, i read a news article which made me really sad and realize that there are people in this world who end up their lives because of unbearable pressure. A kingfisher airlines employee's wife committed suicide because her husband hadnt been paid salary for six months and she had no money left to even ensure basic necessities of life for her family. If i had power i would have put the entire kingfisher management behind bars and filed a murder case against them. Am sure each of them right now would be living a normal life which is partying late in night. Mallaya would be preparing for the formula 1 grand prix tomorrow. Cruel world, what else i can say. 

Rest in peace and my condolences to her family. God bless them.