Gossip – The social conundrum

I was never a topic of gossip during my school and engineering days. One way to look at it is that I had a very clean image, but the other way to look at it is that my life was boring or I was not at all considered worthy to be a topic of gossips. :D

Things changed when I moved to Infosys. Oh yes, I was famous in Infosys – for both right and wrong reasons and was a topic of gossip for some. It did hurt me when I was being talked about in the campus for wrong reasons. I did have arguments and fights in stopping those gossips but it made the situation worse.

Things further changed when I moved to MBA. Whilst I was able to maintain quite a low profile in the first year, things did get little messy in the second year and was stupidly linked to someone or the other don’t know how and why.  I did became a topic of some gossip. But this time, I behaved little maturely. I did have a couple of arguments but then decided to just leave it and not allow it to affect me.

It surprises me that even today I do become a topic of gossip - no matter how much I keep myself as low profile. I have realized that be it school, college or office – Gossip is a big part of social interaction and it is something that will impact me from time to time. I know that I too sometimes indulge in this but I always ensure that it is harmless. I do think before saying anything. What really irritates me is that when someone says something about me to common friends without any base. And the rumor spreads like fire. So So stupid. What I do as a reaction is to just SMILE , don’t defend myself and ignore it. J

The blank dreams

“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” 

As a kid/teenager, I dreamt of being famous. Sometimes as a cricketer winning the world cup, sometimes as a tennis player winning the Wimbledon, sometimes as a F1 driver winning the Monaco Grand Prix, sometimes as a footballer playing in the EPL, and yes sometimes as a politician changing the country for the good. Once awake, I carried on with my normal school/college life letting those dreams fade away. Those were childish dreams and I never ever thought of seriously pursuing any of them. I call them blank dreams.

I think I lacked the focus or drive to achieve any of those dreams. I never ever tried for any of them seriously. I was super happy living an ordinary life – 8 am to 2 pm school, come back home rest , do homework , go out and play, come back have dinner and sleep. I enjoyed it. I never ever thought about my future. I never had the firepower to try and do something extraordinary.

Today also a part of it holds true. Yes I admit that. I am not trying to do anything extraordinary to get noticed. But at the same time, I do believe that I will make a difference one day and somewhere if I keep this belief, make the right career choices and put in the hard work required I will definitely make a difference and make myself heard one day. 

You are the one

“The smile on your face
Lets me know that you need me.
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall”

I am no expert in love, if there was any degree in love then I would have definitely be amongst the quarter percentile. But yes like everyone I have my own viewpoint about what is love and how do one get to know if it is love. I guess its about the belief, and I have the belief in what I think about love and that made me wait for it. (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/07/right-here-waiting-for-you.html)

What makes me believe in you is the fact that I know you will also stand by me come what may happen,

What makes me to dream about you is because I know you believe in my dreams too,

What makes me be true to you is because I know you are what you are with me,

What makes me adore you is your child like demands and the next moment mature talks,

What makes me listen to you is that you never give me a chance to speak,

What makes me think of a future with you is the fact that I am loving my present thinking about you,

What makes me wait for you is that I know you are there somewhere waiting for me too,

What makes me love you is that YOU COMPLETE ME in every sense.

“Tum Ho To Gata Hai Dil
Tum Nahi To Geet Khaan
Tum Ho To Hai Sab Hasil
Tum Nahi To Kya Hai Yahan

Tum Ho To Hai Sapno Ke Jaisa Hasin Ek Sama

Jo Tum Ho To
Yeh Lagta Hai
Ki Mil Gaya Har Khushi
Jo Tum Na Ho
Yeh Lagta Hai
Ki Har Khushi Main Hai Kami
Tum Ko Hai Mangti Yeh Zindagi”

Small fish in big pond – Part V

There is always a fear if you are a small fish – the fear of being eaten by a big fish. Oh yes, come how much you believe in yourself, its difficult to escape from big fishes. They want to rule the pond and they cannot let you become the king. It’s the way evolution works – Survival of the fittest. You need to be both smart and strong to survive.

Well if such a situation arises, there are only two options that I can think of. One stand firm and fight with them and 99% of the times get killed or second find another pond. The third one which some would say is wise thing to do is to wait patiently for a storm and hope that it takes the big fishes out of the pond and clear the way for you.

I in past always went for another pond option. Fighting I never considered as an option because I don’t think it helps anyone and never yield the desired results. Moreover, I believe most of the things can be sorted out peacefully. Waiting for a storm I am no longer able to do – I don’t have the patience anymore for it. If I want something and I know I deserve it – I prefer going ahead with it at any cost.

P.S. Strangely writing this post reminded me of a historical happening wherein a small fish (Mangal Pandey) died fighting alone with the Britishers (Big fish). I know his death is considered by many as the one who started the uprising but may be shifting the pond (striking at the right time) would have been a better option then.

Remember the time

I always knew one day am gonna lose you from the day I brought you home. The fear of losing you was at its peak for last few months. Every time I left you at home, I had a fear that will I be able to see you again. I never could imagine all this coming true and today when one of my deepest fears has come true I don’t know how to react to it. Yes for me you are the first one to go from the earth whom I loved truly madly deeply.

Thank you Dugdug for all the love, affection and happiness you brought to our home. We will miss you every moment for the rest of our lives. I am sorry I could not be with you during your last few days. Thank you for taking care of mom and dad, mom specially – I know you both shared a special bond.

I will miss you a lot – I cannot imagine getting home and you not barking and running towards me at the gate. I cannot imagine me being there and you not pestering me to go for a walk. I cannot imagine you not sitting with me at midnight and waiting for me to switch off the light so that you get relieved of your duties to stay awake till everyone is asleep. I cannot imagine my life without you. I love you a lot.

I hope you can read all this now - please come back to my life again in some form or the other. Please come back soon. I wish you are happy wherever you are right now and blessing us from there. Thank you again for everything Dugdug. Love you.

The jealous me

Yes, I feel jealous of you. I do. I feel jealous that you tend to feel happy at such small small things in life which I despite trying am not able to.

I feel jealous when you get happy on getting 50 likes on your facebook profile picture – I have not even felt like changing/updating pic for years.

I feel jealous that you become happy at the prospect of getting to drink wine and vodka – I don’t feel like drinking at all.

I feel jealous that you get happy at the end of month on getting salary even if you have not done anything good in job – I at the end of month reflect if I have learnt something new and added value to my knowledge base.

I feel jealous that you are not concerned about your future – I am concerned if I will be able to achieve my dream.

I feel jealous that you have got chance to go abroad and visit different places – I never got the opportunity and at same time despite planning several times it never happened.

I feel jealous of YOU – Yes I do feel jealous. And this jealously motivates me in life to succeed and love myself more. So effectively I am proud of it.

The little break

Oh yeah – finally I gifted myself a break of 48 hours. A break from what all is happening around me (some good and some not that good). I had promised myself one in June (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2013/05/tham-jaa-zindagi.html) but it never happened. I went home once after that in July to give myself a break but things did not go as planned then. I ended up in delhi for around 10 days but never got a moment to relax then. And to make matters worse I could not go home on Rakhi as I had taken lot of leaves in July itself. Anyways, sometimes things like these happens J.

Its an extended weekend and I am happily lazing around, staying alone at home – no human presence around me. I think 3 posts in the last 2 days sum up the weekend for me. J I am watching movies (watched K3G 100^th time), formula 1 race, big bang theory etc etc etc. Plus connected with a lot of people after a long time. So in all happy happy lazy weekend.

But yes at the back of my mind there are lot of thoughts analysis going on. I am trying my best to avoid them and somewhere have been successful. I wish there was some way to switch off mind temporarily and just do what your heart wants. :D

P.S. One more song added in my list during the weekend, relatively old song but I have started liking it now – Ishq vala Love from a stupid and idiotic movie Student of the Year

In your shoes

Many people call me too mature for my age. They say that I am a serious kind of guy, I need to get little loose (not in character :P) in my life and let life take its own course rather than me trying my hard to control it. One strength which a lot of my friends appreciate a lot is that I am a good listener and apparently give good advice and motivate people to excel in their lives. Above all, they know that I am not going to tell about our discussion to anyone – they know I will never let down on this. J

Well, I don’t know how much truth is in all this but since it’s a large number of people who say this so am more than happy to believe in this except for that serious and mature kind of guy. :D

How I give advice? Its very simple. I just put myself in the other person’s shoes and start to think of what I would have done in that situation – what are the problems I will face in that situation, what will be the pros and cons of the solution I am suggesting. The one thing which I take care is that I don’t end up suggesting a solution or path that should be taken (specially in case of romantic issues :D). I just give all the possible paths and let the other person decide the final path.

There are very few people to whom I go for a advice. Frankly most of the times I end up discussing things with myself only. I believe its not because of I don’t have people around me with whom I feel I can discuss, its just may be my introvert nature when it comes to my personal life. I think my experience in past has made me very cautious to discuss about my life with other people except for very few close friends and obviously family.

P.S. I think the credit for my listening quality deserves to go to the women in my life (starting from my two elder sisters to my female friends, they have never allowed me to speak much till now L )

I, me and myself

The best quality that you can have is to understand yourself. That allows you to take control of yourself when things are not going right. It allows you to ensure that things don’t get worse.

I guess everyone tries to do that. But not many succeed, because they don’t understand themselves, they don’t understand what situation they are in and hence they fail to realize what is needed to be done to get out of it.

Am glad that somewhere am not in that league of people. I am a good friend of myself. I am not scared to face the situation, I don’t try to run away from it. I am able to understand my mood and adjust to it accordingly. Say for e.g. if I am in an angry/furious mood I try not to communicate much with other people. If am in a sad mood, then I try to find some activity to give my mind a break.

But sadly yes sometimes the situation do get better off me and things get little out of hand. And what I hate about this the most is that because of me other people get affected. I guess I lose myself during these times and get into a kind of mode where I don’t care about anyone else, Its just I, me and myself.

Thankfully these kind of moments have been very rare in my life and hopefully I don’t get to face them more in future. 

Its my DREAM

There is a dialogue in one of my favorite films ‘The pursuit of happyness’ – “You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period."

The movie and this specific scene has always been one of my biggest inspirations. Whenever am feeling demotivated or let down, I start watching this movie. It brings a tear in my eyes everytime I watch this movie but at the same time it motivates me. It reminds me that Rauuullll no matter what happens, no matter whoever says what, don’t let your dreams die (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/03/dreams.html). Don’t let anyone ruin it. Don’t let anyone try to change it. Above all, don’t let anyone take away your belief in that very dream. In the end, its my DREAM and I have the right to pursue it.

I don’t know how achievable my dreams are, I don’t know how realistic my vision is. But I know one thing that I will enjoy pursuing it and may be that is what it is all about. At least I will always have the satisfaction that I PROTECTED MY DREAM !!!!!

The feeling of helplessness

I hate this feeling – the feeling where am helpless, am not able to control the situation around me, I cant do anything to make things better, I don’t know how I can work my way out. I am just sitting, sitting and sitting with a hope that things will eventually fall in place. I hate this feeling – its PATHETIC. To complicate the situation – my mind do a wonderful job. It keeps on thinking and reminding me about all this.

One thing I fail at badly is to pass time in these kind of situations. I am terrible at this despite trying my real hard. I do try to keep my mind away from all this by either going out with friends, watching a movie etc etc but subconsciously my mind and heart is still in that situation. I am not able to get out of it unless am actually out of it.

I don’t know how others are able to deal with these kind of situations. I fail to do it, if you know me well, one look at my face and you can easily make out that something is wrong. I don’t know how to deal with it. I think its down to the fact that somehow I have lost patience in life which I had in abundance when I was a kid. Now its like if I want something at some point of time, I go after it badly and try to get it at any cost. I don’t like to wait specially for others.

Seems like I have lot to work out and improve in this aspect. Otherwise this pathetic feeling will keep on getting on my nerves in future too. DAMN!!!!!!