Agnosticism

I always have been confused about where do I stand in terms of belief in God. I am still not sure about this even today. I remember when I was a kid, I with my friends used to go to temple to get free sweets. Panditji used to tell us that first go n touch the feet of God’s Idol and then come to me for sweets. We happily used to do it.

As time passed on ,I stopped going to temple for this reason. I started making my own views about the belief in God. I am not a complete agnostic person but I think my views are somewhere close to it.

Till now, it has never ever happened to me that I got a inner feeling to visit a temple. I don’t think I will find peace or happiness by visiting a temple. I go to temple when am left with no other option like my mom tells me to go there or am on a outing with my friends. The last accidental visit to a temple was with friends when we were on trip to Sariska and before that it was around a year back when again with friends I went to Akshardham Temple. The trip to Akshardham was a planned one and I went there because I had heard that the architecture of it is amazing. I wanted to see that.

I believe that inside each of us is a God and a Devil. There is always a fight happening inside us between them. Sometimes one wins, sometimes the other. When God wins we do good things, when Devil wins we do bad things.

Family plays a huge role in shaping of an individual attitude towards God. I have many friends who are religious. They pray to God every morning, go to temples etc. They believe in god and hence do all this. They have been doing this since they were kid. If they find peace and happiness by doing all this, I think they are really lucky. I mean to find such a place where u get peace in today’s world is really difficult.

I have made all my decisions in life myself or by consulting my parents and sisters. I have never ever been told by them to do something or the other. They trust my decision making capabilities and they know if am in doubt I will come to them. I think that is the reason inspite of my mom and dad  praying every morning  by going to the small room where we have kept idols , they never asked me to do it. They realize that if I wanted to do it , I would had started doing it myself.

The question about the existence of God takes my mind always to some questions. I remember my elders consoling people by saying “ Bhagwaan ke aage kisi ki nahi chalti “ , “ Jo teri kismat mein likha hai vahi hoga “ . These two lines always confuse me that is everything which is happening in my life has already been scripted in my kismat or am calling the shots with my choices or God is making choices on my behalf. Is kismat/luck and God same thing? If God is actually there then why do bad things happen to good people ? How come terrorist attacked and killed people in Akshardham Temple ? Why is there so much of bad things like famine , tsunami happening in this world and people suffering from it ?

Is god not watching all this ? If he is then why he is not doing anything about it . If he exists then did he just create the world and left it on people to make choices and thereby run the show themselves or he wrote the script and now we are just puppets in his hands ?

Too many questions and I don’t know the answer. That’s why I said in beginning itself am still not sure about this. If you are , then please share your views. J