The ugly face of this world

Three barbaric incidents in last couple of days have really surprised, shocked me. Two in the developing region of India- subcontinent and the third in developed region - US. Truly goes to show that the anti-social elements are present all over the world.

The first one - the attack and killing of little school children in US, the second one - killing of UN activists giving polio drops in Pakistan and the third - gangrape of a girl in Delhi in a moving bus. 

All these incidents makes me feel angry and at the same time scared, its not only the terrorists which we need to be scared of now - if seems now even a common man walking on a road can suddenly pull out a gun and start firing. I dont know how we can stop this completely, but am sure its high time we need to do something about it.

Being a Delhite, I urge government to take a serious action against those rapists - please hang them, they dont deserve to live even for one minute. Please do it as soon as possible before a common man forgets about this incident - we should ensure that it registers in mind of those uncivilised people that they cant afford to take law in their hands. 

I am not reacting to this just because it happened in my city, am reacting to it because I do feel bad about the situation of safety of women in our country, I feel bad because I seriously dont see it changing in near future too given the level of illiteracy, political influence in our country and sad state of the way government deals with all these issues. In addition, the sorry state of Indian media which does not know how to be effective and the stupid TV serials where women are either shown to be weak or bad (using a soft word as its my resolution not to use foul language). I believe bollywood can also play its part by making good movies and not promoting some idiotic women who are just looking for cheap publicity.

Yes, being a Delhite am ashamed of the incident that happened in Delhi and I can just say sorry for what happened, though I understand it does not mean anything and nothing can now bring peace to that girl and her family. I am not going to defend my city by saying that anti-social elements are in every city, but will just like to say that there are good people in Delhi which are in majority and hopefully by good police control and timely intervention by government Delhi will be a safe city in near future. 

Another Year…Another Step…

Wow..2012 went seriously like a flash. I still get a feeling that it was only yesterday that I was watching Sherlock Holmes movie when the year 2012 started and today am planning for 2013. Above all, I have managed to survive one complete year in Chennai. Am proud of myself..haha..

I think professionally and personally am satisfied with what I have done in 2012. Its been good last three years professionally as I have been focused and finally I believe I have taken steps in right direction. Personally, as I wished at the end of 2011 for 2012 to be a non- happening year, I almost managed to achieve that. A small hiccup here and there as always, but overall I did well in this regard.

2013 as I mentioned earlier, is a year for which I have been planning for long. Am too excited and at the same time nervous. It will definitely be a year I will remember for life. A year where I will be ready to take few risks and hopefully be rewarded for the same. It will be a year where some of the dreams will die as dreams, but at the same time some new dreams will evolve. A year where I will turn realist from being an idealist. J

Its been a mentally tiring 2012 for me and am looking for a big break to recharge my batteries for 2013. All of sudden Christmas and New Year has become my favorites as am getting a two-week holiday break. Am looking forward to spending time at home with family and friends, playing cricket, watching movies, gaming nights, parties, sleeping and ironically of course studying (I understand it is now integral part of my professional field).

Wish you all Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. God bless everyone….

Love for some, destiny for others

She again asked "what is it about me that you love the most", they had been together for over a year and she had asked this question many times and everytime he just smiled and said "i love you because i know you" and never explained this statement further. As always Shaurya's answer amused Anamika but she loved hearing this statement so kept on asking him this again from time to time. 

It was not love at first sight for them. They were poles apart in nature. Shaurya was a 20th century family and emotional person whereas Anamika was a 21st century independent and confident girl. She was seen as a bindaas girl by everyone including him. They were classmates but rarely talked, more because of distance he maintained with her as he always felt kind of scared of her bold personality. Anamika was dating Ashwini at that time.

Her world broke apart when she got to know that Ashwini was cheating on her and that too with her best friend. The loss of both her boyfriend and best friend was a lot for her to handle. All of sudden, she was alone in the world which seemed full of hypocrites in her eyes. But still she behaved normally in front of everyone. Everyone including Shaurya thought of her as a girl for whom career was most important and relationships were always secondary and thus she remained unaffected as she never valued people.

Post break-up, the first time she saw Ashwini and her best friend together in canteen holding hands In front of everyone, she slapped Ashwini and abused her best friend and walked out of that place. Everyone including Shaurya were left surprised to see her boldness and something made Shaurya to follow her. He saw her sitting at the corner of a park and crying her heart out. He could have never imagined a girl like her shedding a tear for a person, so seeing her crying was a shock to him. He went forward and quietly sat with her. He waited for her to say something. The first line she said “you are the first person ever to see me crying". 

From there on, they became good friends. The more he got to know the other person inside her, the more he fell in love with her. He realized that inside she was as vulnerable as everyone is but she pretended to be the strong girl in front of everyone. She believed by doing this helped her confidence and also tell the whole world that this girl is not for taking. She told him abt her ex-bfs and how important career was for her which made her to move on. He fell in love with that emotional side of her, the side that she accidently showed him during the time of her loneliness, the side which was on normal times overruled by her other strong career focused independent side.

She loved him but he loved her more than she did. For her he was her only friend, her best friend, her bf but she was still too focused to think anything more than that. For him, she was his world.

So one day when he asked her about their future, she told him that she never thought about it and it is not the right time for her to even think about it. He was looking for a commitment but she was not ready for that. They started having arguments from then on. It was having an impact on his personal life and on her professional life.

One day she gathered courage and told him bluntly that she did not love him that much to think about a future together so its best for him to leave her. Knowing the person he was, she was scared that he might break down. However, he smiled and said “you always asked me why i love you, i love you because of this. I love you the way you portray yourself as a strong individual in front of the world and hide that emotional person. I love you the way you just asked me to go away from your life without showing that doing this will hurt you also forever".

She pretended to ignore what he just said, turned and started walking away from him. He knew that she was crying right then but wont turn back to show her emotions for him. He knew that she would never come back to him again. He was smiling because he always knew that this was his destiny the day he fell in love with her and if given a chance he would do this again, he knew that he loved her truly, madly and deeply… 

P.S. seems am liking writing fiction these days - enjoying it more than writing diary entries :)

Happy birthday to me !!!!

First of all, I admit never ever i thought that a day would come like this - spending my birthday away from my family and closest friends. A kind of new experience for me, hopefully for the first and last time.

As of now, i dont know what will i be doing tomorrow - no celebrations or anything planned.  Ironically an important work in office tomorrow will keep me busy for the first half of day which in a way is good, will see how second half shapes up.

Last year a close friend's marriage in kolkata ensured that i ended up spending my bday with my school friends, and as expected that bday turned out to be memorable. The only other time i was not with family on my bday was when i was in infy campus (oh yeah everything new  in my life happened when i was in mysore), but then again it was memorable. My closest friend came there to meet me and couple of other close friends ensured i didnt miss love and affection of my family.

The last one year has been a decent year both professionally and personally. I feel proud of myself that i have been strong enough to live away from my family. I know for many its not a big deal, but those who know me well will understand why its such a big deal for me.

The coming year - i am all excited for it. It will definitely be a life changer for me and for good i hope. Oh no, am not at all refering to marriage. Am still as refered by some  'too centric' about my career to think about something else.

 I hope to take the next step towards my professional dream sometime next year and i wish my personal dream takes the next step towards me.

Oh by the way its my dog's birthday today - happy birthday dugdug :)

The hanged man

The news that is flashing in all the news channels and online newspapers is related to the hanging of kasab, the terrorist who was involved in the Mumbai attacks in Nov-08. Some are claiming it to be a victory for India, some claiming it as justice for the dead in those attacks. The importance of this event can be judged from the fact that even the opposition political party is also praising this execution. Ironically a terrorist has for a day united the whole country - the last time this happened was when India won the cricket world cup in 2011. 

Am sure the entire India including me hated the sight of Kasab firing all guns in Mumbai. Everyone wanted that person to be hanged, I myself felt that he deserves no right to live. Am glad it happened finally as he was living on the taxes paid by we common Indians.

But hang on, was he actually the real culprit ? Or he was just a Pawn ? 

For a minute, forget that he was a terrorist. The guy who got hanged was of our age group - 25 years, was not a born terrorist, had not seen the 1947 massacres when indo-pak separated. He was born to a poor family- dad a vada pav seller. Deprived of the basic necessities of life- food, education, he was born with a bad destiny in a poor village where jihad was on everyone's mind. And to make money (am sure he had no personal animosity against Indians) he got on the jihadis side. One point everyone is forgetting is that he did not come for this mission with a thought of going back alive - he knew he would be killed, and all the days he spent post the attacks were actually bonus for him. He did it for money - which would have gone to his family and helped them live a decent life.

Why are we celebrating his death? He in reality was never our enemy. Our enemy are those people who entice young poor people to follow this wrong path. Our enemy is illiteracy, poverty - not in just our country but world. Our enemy is the bad situation where people dont get a chance to rise in the society. Our enemy is that educated section of the society which is not allowing the past of india-pak issue to bury. 

Kasab the reason you died was because you fell to the above trap, hope there is a bit of good for you in this if you are not born in that poor environment again,hope you are not reborn as kasab- because if you are, then you will die early again...

Swades

There is a sweet memory attached with this film. I did not like this movie, the first time i watched it in theatre. Sounds strange now even to me. I along with my Btech friends went to watch this movie straight after the final exam of a tough semester and the movie theme was not apt to our mood that time.

But after that i saw this movie again at home and again and again. I saw it even today and loved it again. Watching it today was all the more special, it made me relate it to my life - the question that is always in my mind, am i doing right by staying away from home. Ofcourse for me swades is not india, its delhi :) .

Couple of lines from the song ' ye jo des hai tera' are still echoing in my ears. I guess one more reason other than being touched with this song is that i have heard the version played by A R Rahman  in mtv unplugged around 10 times in last two days. Here are those lines :

" yu to saare sukh hai barse

Par dur hai tu apne ghar se,

Aa laut chal tu ab deewane

Jaha koi ton tujhe apna maane"

Am really feeling home sick. Has been the case since last three weeks or so. Been tough out here, and to add to it each passing day its getting more tougher now and all of sudden i do fear the worst is getting near at a pace which i dont want. Watching swades has compounded the feeling. Lucky for me am going home for a diwali break. It has been three months since i went home.  Hope to come back rejuvenated.

Wish you all a happy diwali in advance. 

The little part of me

Was going through an old diary that I wrote around 3 and half years back (somewhere in Jan or Feb 09 when I was in infy campus, mysore) and found this one scribbled on the back page. 

We may not have talked for years,

But your voice still echoes in my ears.

You may not be physically with me here,

But I see you every moment every where.

Not being with you fills me with sadness,

But waiting for you brings a sense of happiness.

To forget you is what always tries my mind,

But its my heart that will keep us forever bind.

You may not be a part of my destiny,

But no one can take you out of my little fantasy.

Right vs Right

Its been long time. They both haven’t seen each other for years now. Everything was perfect between them. They both loved each other. But then if everything remains perfect, then its not life – it is a dream. And a dream ends eventually. The same thing happened between them, a difference of opinion in view about their relationship led to them getting separated. The difference : He loved her more than she loved him.

When they last met, he told her that he still believes in their love and will love to stay together forever and if even this means staying away for some time and then getting back he is ready to wait. He told her that she can focus on her career and come back whenever she feels she is ready to be in a state to commit for life. She promised she will come back if she feels the same.

1 year passed, 2 years passed, 3 years passed. As decided they both did not speak to each other, have no clue about whereabouts of the other person. The difference – the guy still remembers the promise and the girl holds the right to fulfill it.

Over the time, the girl realized that she does not wish to come back. She realized that he is not the one for her. She moved on. She settled down and hoped that he also would have moved on. She prayed for his happiness in future.

Over the time, the guy’s feeling became stronger and stronger. He realized that she is the one for her. It hurt him every minute waiting for her but at same time he felt happiness in waiting for her. He did not wish to move on unless he heard from her about what she decided. 

His friends did not like his approach and told him to move on. He replied negatively. On consistent insistence, he agreed to get in touch with her and ask her about what she feels now. He tried calling her, but the number did not exist. He went to her home but the home was locked, he got to know from neighbours that the family that lived there moved out couple of years back and they have no clue where they went. He mailed her but mail bounced back. He tried social networking sites but to no avail.

He still waits for her, he believes in his love. She is well settled in her life now, has a loving husband and a kid. He hopes that she will come back but she is happy in her life.

Whilst she comes in his dreams every night, he comes in her dreams occasionally and she silently prays then that he has forgotten her and moved on just like her.

Whilst he wants to meet her once, she does not as she is scared that it might spoil her married life if someone gets to know about him.

He has no clue that she is happily settled and she has no clue that he still loves her truly madly deeply.

P.S. Writing fiction after a long time, last one: http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/05/truth-for-some-fiction-for-others.html

That empty feeling...

Its strange life. Frankly I am not sure if am moving in right direction, am not sure if all the sacrifices are worth it, am not sure if am going to regret the decision to stay away from family and friends in delhi...

I hear people saying 'live the moment'. I hear another section of people saying 'work hard to make a better tomorrow'. 

I guess right now am working towards the latter. Its not that am not enjoying the moment but its just because i dont have that much company to enjoy here in chennai.i miss delhi a lot. Luckily i do have few friends here.

There is always an empty feeling staying here offset to quite some extent by a feeling that things will be better in future.

Looking forward to a holiday in delhi in a month time. 

What is pressure...

When Jose Mourinho was asked if he is under pressure being the Chelsea manager, he famously replied, "Pressure? What pressure? Pressure is poor people in the world trying to feed their families. Working from dawn till dust just to feed their young. There is no pressure in football."

”

I always wonder how much we complain about pressure in life, i also sometimes go over the board complaining about my job timings, work pressure, pressure living away from the family. But at the same time i always end this by saying that I dont mind this life right now as its not the worst, i am still well off and feel blessed. 

I admit last few weeks have actually made me feel little pressurised living here in Chennai. The urge in me to be around my family and close friends in delhi has increased a lot.When someone asks me how am able to survive in chennai away from family for more than a year, i always reply that i compare today with the situation i was in 2009 and i see that time as the threshold above which i cant sustain pressure. So till the time am not in that bad situation i will keep fighting.

What made me to write this, i read a news article which made me really sad and realize that there are people in this world who end up their lives because of unbearable pressure. A kingfisher airlines employee's wife committed suicide because her husband hadnt been paid salary for six months and she had no money left to even ensure basic necessities of life for her family. If i had power i would have put the entire kingfisher management behind bars and filed a murder case against them. Am sure each of them right now would be living a normal life which is partying late in night. Mallaya would be preparing for the formula 1 grand prix tomorrow. Cruel world, what else i can say. 

Rest in peace and my condolences to her family. God bless them.

The unfinished stories

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya

Jab ghum ka saya lehraya

Jab aansoo palkon tak aya

Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya

Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya

…Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain

Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain

Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa

Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa

Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai

Har pal ek naya mausam hai

Kyun tu aise pal khota hai

Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

This beautiful poem is from the movie zindagi na milegi dobara and comes after farhan akhtar meets his dad played by naseerudin shah for the first time. During the conversation, his dad tells him that he  always wondered what he would say to him when they meet eventually. Farhan wanted to meet him once to finish the chapter related to his dad and clear all the surounding questions. He wanted to stop thinking about that person in future and continue with his life.

I will be turning 26 in couple of months time and i can recollect that there are 4-5 people with whom my contact ended abrupty. we stopped talking all of sudden because of some reason, we never said bye to each other. In couple of instances, I was the reason for this sudden end and in others it was because of the other person that we had to part ways. in short, some stories in my life are incomplete.

 I have  a very strange belief...i believe that before I die, I will get a chance to meet all those people and complete the unfinished stories. I know it sounds weird , but I do strongly believe in this. Neither of us are making an attempt to meet but am sure we are destined to meet.

And it has happened with me in past, from no where i met one of them after almost three years. Our chapter which was incomplete got finished and we are again no longer in touch. But definitely it did bring some peace to me as there are no more unanswered questions in my mind related to that person.

There are couple of persons in this list whom I wish to meet as soon as possible and there are couple whom am scared to meet. Come what may, we will meet. 

If only dreams come true

I mentioned it in a post of mine (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/05/quotes-and-me.html) that my favorite quote is "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". Its a beautiful- quote and sums up the true meaning of life - expect the unexpected.

So many times it happen, that we dream or plan something and exactly the opposite happens. Sometimes you are so close in achieving your dream but at last moment things dont work out and you are left wondering. It hurts all the more if the situation is not under your control as then you cant blame yourself of not putting in the required effort. It frustrates you further more when people say " jo bhi hota  hai achhe ke liye hota hai" or " bhagwaan ke aage kiski chalti hai". Being a follower of philosophy of karma, i am never able to buy these viewpoints.

I am right now feeling exactly the same as mentioned in above paragraph, feel like shouting, crying and asking for an answer that why things havent worked out this time. I dont know how to look at this situation. On a negative side but being honest, a little part of me always doubted that the plan will come true, on a positive side am experiencing this kind of sadness feel after a long time. I guess last one was that in my last couple of months in infy which actually consoles me a bit as it makes me feel that my life right now is actually not that bad relatively.

Sometimes i wonder what my life would have been if my dreams had come true. But then i wonder if actually some of them were equivalent to nightmares.....

The guy in the mirror

I realised one thing today. It is so easy to lie to the whole world, so easy to hide your feelings, so easy to show yourself strong. But it is damn difficult to convince yourself about that lie, damn difficult to ignore the feelings, nearly impossible to act strong.

It's really strange that every now and then I see a (beautiful) nightmare that makes me realise how different is my life to what I dreamed of. It makes me realise how helpless I am for myself. I can't do anything about it, I can't talk about it with anyone, worst I can't ignore it even.

I think about it the whole night and then get back to work in morning. I get busy in my life again and somewhere that dream/nightmare gets lost in all .

Some dreams are destined to stay as dreams for life. You might not achieve them , you might even have stopped trying for them, but that does not mean those dreams die. Atleast for me.

I still dream about them because somewhere I hope that someday someway someone will help me achieve them. it's just despite giving the best shot in past, I don't deserve it right now. But my time will surely come and  one day I will be able to face that guy in the mirror with same honesty, strength and smile.

This beautiful line from my fav movie the pursuit of happyness summarises my thoughts right now : you got a dream, you got to protect it.

Kuch kuch hota hai

My favourite on screen pair without a doubt is Sharukh Khan and Kajol. Every time I see them together on screen , strangely I feel a sense of peace, they remind me of what love actually is.

From ddlj, kuch kuch hota hai to my name is khan, i have loved watching this pair on screen. For me they are a symbol of love, as in the movies in which they were paired together are so romantic. Am not sure if in reality love stories like these exists.

I know a lot of people criticise Srk for being one dimensional and arrogant but for me this guy is an inspiration . He has come such a long way without having a godfather. From a normal Delhi guy to literally king of the world.

And Kajol, what to say about her. I like the way she dresses, simple yet classy in Indian clothes. I hope the current actresses learn something from her.

I can watch their movies again and again. I wish they act together in some movie again.

And I move on….

I realized one thing in last 2-3 months, people, relationships etc change very fast. A close friend with whom you love to share your life and thoughts with, one day all of sudden is no longer the one you feel like calling. One issue and everything changes. I don’t know what’s the reason behind this, might be ego. Somewhere I am egoistic too, but then my ego gets softened over time when I realize that because of my ego I will end up losing an important friend in my life.

Am not trying to show myself positively here, but I have done this in past. Sometimes due to an argument/difference of opinion/fight/misunderstanding , it happened that I ended up creating a distance with a close friend. And both of us were not ready to break the ice and were waiting for the other person to do that. In all those cases , I broke the ice and stepped forward to start conversation again. More often than not I succeeded. But sometimes I failed. More recently in last 2-3 months, I did this with couple of people who were very important to me at one of time but I guess I failed. I felt that there wasn’t any inclination from other side.

The entire situation did affect me. I felt bad about what happened. But then this time it was little different. I felt bad for very short time thinking that how the other person behaved with me. But after that short time , I started to feel good and was over it. How this happened, well a very simple thought came to my mind this time. I felt happy and proud thinking that I stepped forward and tried to re-ignite the lost friendship. I will not be having that thought in my mind the whole life that just because of my ego I lost a friend. I set aside my ego for my friendship and stood by it. And it was because of the other person that it did not work out. May be the meaning and value of the relation was not that important for the other person.  

With this thought, I move on. I move on with happiness, with no regret and after giving my best. I move on with a clear mind. I move on wishing them the best in life. I move on looking forward to my future. I move on with self respect , I move on after being a good friend who tried his best. I move on the way Rauuullll always move on : I move on without changing a bit for them. 

Wish to own a Time Machine

I am not a fan of technology. I don’t own a smartphone which many people around me believe is a necessity these days. Lot of people have asked me why they cant connect to me on “What’s app” and they get surprised when I tell them that I don’t have internet activated on my mobile phone and I don’t feel any need for it also.

Latest cars or bikes or laptops or mobile phones, I don’t keep a track of them. I will research for them on the day I wish to buy one, which I don’t see happening anytime in near future.

Everytime I go home , my dad or my sisters see my mobile phone, they start telling me that they wish to gift me a smartphone and ask me if I want apple or Samsung. And everytime I reply that I don’t feel a need for one. I think they have started thinking now that after spending one year in Chennai, Rahul has gone crazy and lost interest in all good things in life. :D

If someone asks me given a choice , a technological advancement that will make me feel excited – it definitely is a TIME MACHINE. I will love to own one, not to know the future but to go to my past and change few things/moments. I will love to erase some of the moments of my past that still linger in my mind every day. Woww..it would be so awesome if I could turn back time.

I hate travelling time specially in flights. Normally the flight time for me from Chennai to Delhi is around 3 hours. To pass time, I always carry lot of reports to read to learn more about the happenings in the world related to my work. Yeah, am a little nerd J . But once am done with it, I feel bored – sitting in flight, waiting to get home with family. I will love to skip this time.

Thinking today, I feel Time Machine is an impossible idea – one cant do it. But then , I remember reading some great scientist making a statement  which was something like this – we are just at the shore of the ocean of inventions, anything and everything is possible.

So, common the great scientists of the world – make a TIME MACHINE for me. 

Ticking the resolutions continues

I guess this was long pending, something that I have been trying for many years now. First time I tried it was in 11^th class, then once in my 3^rd year of college and last time was when I was in Infosys – giving up soft drinks.

And this is my fourth try. Its been more than three weeks now I had any soft drink. I guess I can rightly say that I was addicted to soft drinks and I never had a strong will power to leave it.

The longest period so far for me without soft drinks was around 3 months , in March – June 2009. Because of lack of sleep and some other issues I had started getting some marks on my face so  I was advised by a doctor to stop having coffee, soft drinks , chocolates etc etc , basically all good things in life for few months.

But this time somehow I feel I can do it for life. I do want to give this up seriously as I realize this addiction had been getting worse day by day. more so with one refrigerator full of soft drinks on every floor of my office – it has been soft drinks soft drinks every where.

I have been pretty successful with one of my last year resolution and am very happy and proud of it – leaving non-veg (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/07/ticking-resolutions.html). Its been around one and half years now since I had non-veg.

Something to smile for

“kehte hai, ke agar kisi bhi cheez ko dil se chaho to puri ki puri qayanaat tumhe use milaane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai”

I actually don’t believe in the above said dialogue. It does not happen always but it do happen sometimes. And yeah it happened this time for me.

Yes, I managed to surprise myself by clearing CFA Level I. I took a couple of weeks off during May to study for it. And I did give my best shot in those two weeks. Studied 12-14 hours a day. I guess the only time I had put in this much effort was during my 10^th board exams.

Its not that a big achievement considering almost everyone in my office is either CFA level III candidate or already a CFA. And somewhere I know am over-reacting but I don’t care. I am very very happy :D .

There are couple of reasons for it. One , I did not study much in advance, I always kept on banking on those two weeks vacations and am happy that I proved myself right on that. Secondly , I wasn’t in best of mood during that time because of some stupid issue but I managed to keep myself concentrated on studying which I was never able to do in past. So it’s a kind of personal victory for me. J

I have been short on confidence for last couple of months and thankfully clearing this paper will reinstill my lost confidence as its something which always has been my strength.

Looking forward to party with family and friends next weekend in Delhi. J

A song for every feel

If its difficult to define love, its impossible to define the feeling when you are in love and you are loved in return. Its special.

I remember watching movie “ Saagar” lots of times in my childhood. Used to come every 2-3 weeks on doordarshan channel. And we didn’t have cable then at home , so had no other option than to watch it. Am surprised now , despite having 200 channels , most of the times I still end up saying that nothing good is coming on TV. I rarely switch on the TV if I know there is no live sports action.

Anyways, coming back to the reason that made me write this. There is a beautiful song in this movie, and its lyrics are so simply superb and very close in defining that special feel.  In childhood I didn’t pay attention to the lyrics, so I guess its high time the song gets the long deserved appreciation.

Here are the lyrics, and while am writing this post, side by side am the song is getting downloaded and will be soon added to “My list”. J

sach mere yaar hai, bas wohee pyaar hai

jisake badale me koyee toh pyaar de

baakee bekaar hai, yaar mere....

jis haath me ik haath hai, uss haath kee kya baat hai

kya manjile kya faasle, ik humsafar gar saath hai

jisakee kismat koyee yu sanvaar de, woh hee dildaar hai yaar mere....

jhume jamin jhume gagan, tere liye hoke magan

khilatee rahe khushiya teree, mehka rahe dil kaa chaman

jindagee tujhako aisee bahaar de, dil kee pukaar hai, yaar mere....

sunate the ham yeh jindagee, gham aur khushee kaa mel hai

hamko magar aaya najar, yeh jindagee woh khel hai

koyee sab jite sab koyee haar de, apanee toh har hai, yaar mere....

And it all started with a Big Bang

Oh na na, am not going to talk about the “God particle” , which has been in news this entire week. I read couple of lines about it , how important a discovery it is. But am still not sure how this discovery is going to be useful for mankind other than answering the question of our existence to a small section of the world. I believe majority of the world’s population was already happy by an answer that we are creation of “God”.

Anyways lets leave that aside. Not a good topic to even think of atleast for me. A slighted related topic to this is one of the sitcoms that am watching again and again these days “ The Big Bang theory”.

First, it was Friends, then Prison Break, then How I met your mother and now the Big Bang theory.Well so far, I have seen only these 4 TV series and though I have loved each of them, there is something special about The Big Bang theory. I have watched each of its episodes (Season 1-5) numerous times and still I don’t get bored watching it again.

If you have never seen it , I recommend give it a shot. Download any one of its episodes or stream it. Just around 21 mins each episode.

 Here are few lines about the sitcom sourced from wikie :

“The show is centered on five characters: roommates Leonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper, two physicists who work at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech); Penny, a blonde waitress and aspiring actress who lives across the hall; and Leonard and Sheldon's equally geeky and socially awkward friends and co-workers aerospace engineer Howard Wolowitz and astrophysicist Rajesh Koothrappali. The geekiness and intellect of the four guys is contrasted for comic effect with Penny's social skills and common sense.”

“Soft kitty, Warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, Sleepy kitty, Purr Purr...”

You’ve got mail

Everyday I log in, I see tons of unread e-mails in my mailbox. Some research reports and some related to work. At my personal mailbox, I get stupid job alerts for the account I created during my engineering days, then snapdeal offers etc. But then, I have got 3 e-mails in last couple of days which have really made me feel good. It is from three different people who have appreciated me and my thoughts.

I always believe it is one thing to be appreciated verbally and its entirely different when it is in a written form. Because when you write, you actually are conscious of what you are writing. It’s a three step thing : You first think what you wish to convey, then you write it and then you read it before sending it. So for me something in written is extra special.

I have kept a printout of one of these mails which actually made me shed a tear, I got so overwhelmed reading it, a short and sweet mail from one of the heads who has been instrumental in shaping my progress so far.

Somehow I always have been fan of e-mails. I never delete non-forward e-mails. I keep them as a memory. Even today I have all the e-mails since I created my account. And once in a while , I do go back and read them.  And somewhere I think the existence of this blog is also linked with this. 

Earlier I used to write on word docs and keep it. But its difficult to keep word docs organized. So a blog helps me keep my notes organized plus it offers a good interface too. Moreover, I guess with time my blog has become kind of my closest friend who is always there to listen to me. J

Back to strangers

Am sure it must have happened with all of you also. Don’t you wonder that how many strangers you met turned into good friends and then all of sudden back to strangers again.

When I think about it, I see it happening when I moved on to one phase of life to other. Say after schooling, engineering, job shift, MBA. All of sudden all the faces which I was so used to seeing everyday got replaced with new faces. And with time, I forgot the old faces and the new ones became a part of my life.

Oh yes, some of those people remain a part of my life. But then what about others. I lost touch with them. I guess those were always acquaintances. And if someday we do cross at some path, we will surely smile at each other, no hard feelings of not being touch for such a long time. J

The other reason when good friends turn strangers again is because of something happening between the two where both are right from their perspective with a opposite viewpoint. A tricky situation, where it is very clear that the matter wont be sorted out and you cant even forget it. So the only way is not to talk about it , which can happen only if you don’t talk at all. No good byes, no wishes, just complete cut all of sudden. You keep waiting for the other person to call you with an open mind but it never happens because the other person is also hoping for the same. There are few people I will love to hear voice of, but then I know they will not call and I guess I will also not.

One other reason why this happens is because of the relationship moving on from the excitement phase to the meltdown phase. Oh yes, I still believe in this phase theory :D . (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/02/phases-in-relationships.html)

I guess one thing that I learnt that no matter what the reason is Life moves on. You keep meeting new people, you keep walking. The best thing is to always take with you the learning’s from what happened and good memories of the other person. In the end we all are same, what someone has done with you, you also must have done it with someone else. After all nobody is perfect, so no point in blaming the other. 

Thank God Its Friday

Finally…its FRIDAY.

Had been working non-stop for past 2 weeks. Oh yeah, had to go to work last weekend to try to sort out things. Partially successful.

But anyways, no work only play this weekend. J

Will play lawn tennis, spiderman movie, relax , read Imran Khan autobiography…. Wow…suddenly life seems so good.

Well, nothing going right in terms of work this month in office but still got appreciated for the hard work I had put in over the last one year, with a “Rookie Champ” award – kinda fresher of the year award.

Strangely, I had always wanted this award but didn’t feel good getting it now. May be because of last recall factor, I myself am not getting feel of being good in job these days, so an award for being the best fresher kind of feels lucky. But anyways, overall in last one year I have been decent. J

Looking forward to having a good break during weekend and waiting for next 30 days to pass peacefully and then I will be in Delhi for 4 days J.

P.S. As expected my blog has become a kind of diary entry these days, which am sure I will cherish reading later in life. J

There is always TIME

One thing that I understood recently is that I never had an issue of time. 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week,  8760 hours in a year are more than sufficient for me to do what I want to do, work, pursue my hobbies, go on holidays and even after all this have time to just sit on my bean bag , have pepsi with chips and watch big bang theory. J

But still I complained about time. If a long lost friend asked me “Whats up , where r u lost , not in touch”. I used to reply “Sorry yaar, just caught up in work”. I think I LIED.

Whenever anyone asked me, “So you playing football or any other  sports these days ? “ , I replied “ kaha yaar, don’t have time to pursue that”. I think I gave more importance to relaxing than playing.

So whenever anyone asked me, “ What you reading these days” ? I used to reply “ Nothing much “. I guess I wasted time just sitting online rather than spending time with books.

I think I learnt a lesson. There is always TIME. Anyone and everyone who complains about lack of time, think again. We have time, and we can do anything and everything we want to if we manage our time properly.

I am happy that I understood this. This month despite my busy office schedule , I have been able  to go and play Lawn tennis and also have started reading Imran Khan autobiography “ Pakistan”. I wanted to do these two things for long time, but I was lying to myself everyday by saying “ I don’t have time”. :D

Small fish in a big pond – Part IV

And this too shall pass or Everything good must come to an end

Never imagined, my first week of second year in Chennai would be like that. Anything and everything I did in office went wrong. I don’t know why it went wrong, my concentration level was high and I was totally committed to work. But first time in the office I felt helpless. Tried my level best, spent a lot of time in office, but failed to put my thoughts in excel and report.

Today was supposed to be the D-day. I had put in lot of hard work in last 4 days. I was super-excited in morning, had prepared my pitch. But then everything went wrong. One mistake in my assumption and the whole report and excel was no more a value add, was just a load of crap. The end result, I got scolded, thrashed and even warned.

Not a good way to end the Friday. But thank god its friday. :)

I can feel tough times ahead in the office. I have started to get a kind of negative energy around me in office. I sense some eyes watching my performance closely. If I try to think from a positive side, it means that the level of expectation people have from me are really high, but then it somehow puts extra pressure on me. Makes me cautious, add to it sometimes little nervous too.

I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I cant be vocal about this in office. I don’t want to take a step back from the level of responsibilities shouldered on me. I guess the best way is to take it as a fresh challenge and give my best shot. Oh dear Chennai, all of sudden you are not the biggest worry in my life, I got bigger worries now. 

The Circle getting smaller and smaller

I said it before and I repeat it today also with same conviction, there is no substitute of time. It holds out for each and everything in life, from friendship to love to pain to happiness.

Taking the point of friends forward, I talked about how important time is for me to actually realize who a friend is (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/03/friends.html).  Somewhere I guess I am being proved right in this strange phase of life where everyone around me is either getting engaged or married or busy in figuring out his/her relationship status.

The circle of friends is getting smaller as quite a significant number has entered into the above said phase. They have moved on to a new journey in life with a new companion and thus don’t have much time for the old friends. I guess quite justified also.

But then there are very few friends who despite having entered into the new phase in life are still very much in touch, they still ensure that despite their busy lives – they make a point to talk to me , they still are the same.

Well, very much clear to me who are those friends; those are the friends for life. Those are the friends who will be there with me in all my sorrow and happiness and who expect me to be there in their sorrow and happiness.

Am not saddened by losing contact with some of the friends, but yes somewhere disappointed with a few in last few months. Then again, no complaints and I wish them all the very best for their new phase in life.  Well it’s a learning and hopefully I will not disappoint those who expect the same level of friendship and commitment from me. J

Chennai Talkies

13^th June 2011, I left my home for an alien city known as Chennai (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/06/until-we-meet-again.html).  Oh yeah, am about to complete a whole year in Chennai.  I know it will sound little unbelievable to people who know me for more than 3 years, given the history. Frankly, even I find it little hard to believe.

I guess the difference this time was in approach. I came to Chennai with an open mind  despite hearing so much negative about the city (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/06/sab-kuch-alag-hai-sab-kuch-nayaa-hai.html).

I agree that somewhere this city is not for people from North India. It’s a little tough out here, narrow roads, not that great food, difficult to communicate with local people and hot/hotter/hottest weather seasons. When I look back at past one year, I can definitely say I would not have stayed here for this long if I was not happy with my job.  Because, think about it , what is the point of living away from family for a job which you are not happy with. You lose both in your professional and personal life.

One of the toughest moments in Chennai was the first time I went to dine alone. Frankly I never ever thought in my life that a day like this would come. But there is always a first time (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/11/battle-city.html). Now am used to it. I guess it is one of the many sacrifices which everyone makes living in an alien city. Other than that, there have been moments when I felt like leaving the city & job and head back home. What stopped me?? Ironically the happenings 3 years back, it gives me strength to fight. My biggest failure acts as strength now.

The good things, my house here (can’t call it a home). I enjoy living in duplex: so spacious, though I do feel little scared also. Everytime I take the stairs to my room, the scene from Bhoot comes to my mind.

Its strange that whenever I refer to Infosys, I still refer to it as my company. I guess a special bonding developed during that time. But am sure never ever I will refer to Chennai , as my city.