Giving time to time

“In my search for freedom 
 And peace of mind 
 I've left the memories behind 
 Want to start a new life 
 But it seems to be rather absurd 
 When I know the truth 
 Is that I always think of you”

Its not easy to forget anyone (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/04/sub-conscious-mind.html )…. Its absolutely not easy to move on (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/04/fight-heart-vs-mind.html )… Its difficult to accept the fact that the other person will no longer be a part of your life… Its damn difficult to convince yourself that the incoming call on your phone will no longer be of that person…. Its damn damn difficult to just let it go (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/09/just-let-it-go.html) , But then  its  not IMPOSSIBLE….

So how to make that difficult thing possible… Well there is no perfect way out of this ..that is what makes this task difficult… I have seen him (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/04/short-real-story.html) going through this phase and I believe that is one of the ways to get out of it… Before that couple of lines I heard Dr. Kumar Vishawas say which fits here :

“Mera apna tajurba hai,

tumhein batla raha hoon main,

koi lab choo gaya tha tab,

ke ab tak gaa raha hoon main.

bichur ke pyar mein kaise jiya jaaye bina tadpe

jo mai khudh nahi samjha wahi samjha raha hoon”

The first thing I believe is important is to understand that no one else can get you of the situation, its just YOU YOU and YOU. One needs to have the self-belief and strength to fight with the situation. I saw him standing in front of mirror talking to himself, trying to convince himself not to fall into a vicious trap of trying to get in touch of her as he understood that the eventual conclusion everytime was he hurting himself.

Another thing I observed him doing was making a conscious effort to get busy in life leaving him no time to think about losing someone important in life. His schedule for day was to wake up at 6 am, start for office at 7, spend the whole day in office and come home by 10 pm, have dinner and hit bed soon after that. He did that with the only objective to “give time to time” and let atleast the blood to stop from the wounds.

But then just by doing this was not enough, he told me when we met last time. He appreciated the effort me, my best friend and his other friends had put in by encouraging him to fight against the situation and reminding him to not to fall in the trap. I felt happy to hear that I was of some help to him. J

Clueless : He or Me

I was in Delhi couple of weeks back. Got a call from unknown number and was surprised to listen to his voice: It was him (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/04/short-real-story.html). All of sudden, after around an year. I wanted to scold him for not keeping in touch but then the happiness of hearing his voice made me forget all the anger I had for him.

It was a super packed schedule for me in Delhi as I was there just for 3-4 days. Somehow we managed to catch up for a cup of coffee late night on a weekend. I always looked up to him for inspiration as I have seen him rise from the ashes, a love guru for me, always gave me the best advice on both professional and personal front.

But this time when I met him, I saw a different person. His thoughts were different than that were 2-3 years back. Yes, I agree we all mature with age but am not sure if the change is because of maturity. May be he was clueless.

I remember him being ready to marry his first love even at an age of 22.That time his heart ruled him. But now, he is single as he was not ready to marry his girlfriend ( not the first love ) last year. I felt it was his mind ruling him not heart.

He works for a MNC and no longer lives in Delhi with his family. I remember him crying the first time he moved out of the city 3 years back. But today he was calm and composed about living outside Delhi. Again can be put down to him being mature but at the same time it can be he is no longer weak. He has turned mentally strong.

I was surprised when he told me about not being ready for commitment and gave me reasons of not hearing violin playing in the background like he did when he was 22 and said he never felt that special feeling when he was with her again with anyone. But what I could feel was that he lacked self-belief. I felt him being a romantically insulated kind of person now , totally running away from the reality of life. 

He still remembers the feeling he had at age of 22 and is waiting for that to come again. He thinks that was love. I tried convincing him that violin does not play in background if you are in love but he did not agree to it.

And for that special feel I tried convincing him that to be in a relationship one needs to have a sense of respect, liking, comfort with each other not that special feel (which is temporary, one has in the excitement stage). He refused to accept this argument too saying that the special feel is permanent.

I don’t know if he is right about love or I am. I don’t know if he is clueless about the situation right now or I am.