The hidden answers

Despite what happened (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/08/and-everything-stopped-for-moment.html), he always had one fantasy. It was to meet her once again (http://unknownrahul.blogspot.in/2011/10/love-or-desire.html), something like Alfred expressed in The Dark Knight rises. He also fantasized about just an eye contact with her – an eye contact to express that they both are happy in their own lives, they both have buried the past and now what they have is nothing more than mutual respect for each other. He always felt that this one minute of eye contact will make him feel better, it will give him answer to all the things which remained as questions with the end of relationship. Whilst the meeting never happened, but with time he found all the answers from the most likely source.

He found the answers from himself as time passed. Time made him realize that there is more to life than her. From one view of him not being good enough for her, he found the lost self-confidence of believing that he was meant for someone better. From being afraid to communicate with strangers, he again started viewing them without any preconceived notions. Above all, he reclaimed his individuality and beliefs.

Today he is not waiting for that one moment. Yes the thought about her do cross his mind once in a while but the feeling is just of respect and a bit of anger about how things ended. He does not need any answers as he has already found the most important answer.

 “When everything has been said and done, its best to leave it that way.”

Beetein Lamhe

Chand Lamhaaat Ke Waaste Hi Sahi
Muskuraakar Mili Thi Mujhe Jindagi
Teri Aaghosh Mein Din The Mere Kate
Teri Baahon Mein Thi Meri Raate Kati
Aaj Bhi Jab Woh Pal Mujhko Yaad Aate Hai
Dil Se Saare Gamon Ko Bhula Jaate Hai
Dard Mein Bhi Yeh Lab Muskura Jaate Hai
Beete Lamhein Hamein Jab Bhi Yaad Aate Hai

Together they shared a dream. A dream to celebrate this date for many many years to come. A chance meeting turned that normal date in calendar to suddenly one of the most important date of life. He already planned 6 months in advance how to celebrate it first time, second time , on n on.

Life would have been living like a dream if things worked out that way. But then life is not a dream and things eventually don’t happen the way we plan. That’s what makes life life …right?

So the first year that date came both cried, not together , but separately somewhere ,their wasn’t even a contact that date and the next day both screamed at each other for not wishing yesterday.

Second year, he cried, he had no clue where she was. Eventually his heart won over his mind and he mailed her trying to initiate a conversation. Next one month, every time he opened his mail box with an anticipation of a mail from her side, he was disappointed. Finally, after couple of months he convinced himself not to wait further.

Well, with time you move on. How much impossible it may seem in beginning but with time like people change , things change , the feelings also change, it hurts less , the memories  get blocked somewhere in heart and mind.  So today just seeing the calendar, he realized that it’s the same date. As expected, the thought came but today it was just a passing thought. A smile came, a tear came and with it the date went. J

Everything seemed so perfect in the planning stage. But then life is not meant to be perfect, if its perfect its not life , it’s a dream. Therefore, the best thing is to feel good about the life we are living and see it as a dream rather than crying about the dreams that remained unfulfilled.

Well my favorite quote sums it completely -

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans – John Lennon

19^th June 2011

Sub Conscious Mind

You never forget anything, you just stop thinking about it…

It was a special day for him. He just achieved one of his dreams. A dream he was chasing for last so many years. After a long time he had something to smile for. Last few years had not been good for him. Nevertheless, he was fighting, fighting with the world and most importantly fighting with himself, fighting with the devil inside him who was not allowing him to get back to normal self.

That moment was special for him. He was on cloud number nine. He felt his life was perfect that moment. He won everything including his past. For a change, he had a clear mind, a mind without any prejudice.

 He was calling and texting everyone close to him and telling them about his success. Suddenly while typing a name to send a text in his mobile he realized he did not have any number saved by that name. He typed a name that his subconscious mind told him to. A name that was no longer a part of his life, it was a part of his memories. A name that once used to echo with his every heartbeat but today was non-existent.

He was just smiling seeing the name in his mobile phone. He realized that he had not forgotten her. He had just stopped thinking about her and locked the memories in sub conscious mind. This took a lot of time, a couple of years and a lot of concentration but he succeeded in doing it.

However, the subconscious mind was not an easy opponent to defeat. It started attaching her name with memories like songs, their hangout places, her college etc. There were so many such moments and places. Initially this ploy of subconscious mind worked but then with time he started ignoring and then eventually stopped listening to it.

From nowhere her phone number was in his mind. It was just a matter of dialing it and then just seeing what happens. For a moment, it seemed the subconscious mind was winning the battle. Then he realized he had done this mistake in past. He had lost these kind of battles so many times and ended up in agony. He decided he was not going to repeat the mistake. The smile was just getting bigger. The special day was getting more special. J J