Monday, 28 February 2011

Phases in Relationships

Phases  in relationship. These three words together sound strange. If the first thought that comes to your mind is “Relationships are beautiful and this stupid creature is trying to create phases in them”, it is perfectly fine for you to think like that. My first reaction was also the same when someone talked about this to me 2 years back. I didn’t agree to the thought which am going to talk about ahead. However, today writing this I totally believe in the idea of Phases in relationship. When I look back at what little I experienced in my life and also what I have seen happening around me , I can surely put up my hand and say “ Yes there are phases in relationship “ . But at the same time the whole idea is these phases happen naturally in a relationship.
Even for someone who believes in the purity of soul than looks there is a basic thought in mind on how the partner should look like. The first phase in a relationship starts when the two characters meet. There is an eye contact between boy and girl. Both of them in an instant are able to decide if the other person fits that basic criteria. If both of them feels YES then the excitement phase is ON. You exchange phone numbers, add each other on Facebook, messengers etc and try to know each other. Goodnight and good morning messages become a norm soon. The strange part in this phase which I believe can last from few days to few months is that each of them talks all the good things about themselves . You start talking in a way that you feel will impress the other person and suddenly you end up sharing the same likes and dislikes. The good thing is that even if nothing romantically happens in future you end up having a good friend. Some are so much inclined to enter into a relationship that they talk about this in the first phase itself without getting to know the actual person and regret later. They end up losing a friend. Again, Category A girls come to my mind who enter relationships in the beginning of this phase.
After few months, the talks of a possible beginning of relationship start. They try to find out what other person thinks. Girls hold an upper hand in this, as they are actually the ones who decide whether and when to initiate these talks. Guys have just two options, either to wait for girl to start this talk or if they sure girl isn’t interested start looking for other girl. If both of them are interested then they enter into a relationship and term each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
With time you actually start to know the real person and his or her shortcomings. You start to understand that there is a world outside your boyfriend/girlfriend and you have a career to pursue. A sense of feeling of taking the other person for granted starts to begin. Frequency of texts starts to decrease. This phase is Meltdown phase. Three things are possible in this phase.
First :  A relationship is bound to end in the beginning of this phase if one of them is sure after getting to know the real side of other person that he/she does not fit the boyfriend/girlfriend he/she is looking for. They don’t survive to see the third phase in relationship and never talk in future again.
Second :  Only one of the characters has reached this phase and the other is still in first phase itself. This is where you have the first fight in relationship, the first big fight. The most famous senti line is spoken in this phase “ Tum pehle to aise nahi the “ . The person who is still in excitement phase needs to show high level of maturity and the other person needs to show commitment towards the relationship to reach the third phase in relationship. Else, sadly the relationship comes to an end.
Third : Both of them are together in this phase ( a very ideal situation ) then there is a sense of understanding that we both are there for each other and both share the same level of commitment. They sail through this phase but someday are bound to enter the third phase.
A time comes in your life when things are not exactly the way you wish them to be both in your relationship and professional / personal life. A kind of gap has set in your relationship and you feel like god is testing it. This scary phase is Reconciliation phase. You try to talk to your partner and find solace with him/her and at the same time are scared to be pushed back. If you are lucky the partner will share the same anxiety about the relationship as you are and talk with heart to clear things out. Otherwise, all the nightmares you had about your relationships will come true and that is going to break your heart. This phase normally comes in second to third year of the relationship. It’s a test of real love and is bound to give sleepless nights and tears. The base of relationship “Trust and Honesty “is at stake in this phase and it is very important to put ego at a side while conversing.
If the relationship survives the third phase then it enters the Forever phase. The relationship has seen the ups and downs and both the partners trust and value each other more than themselves. They now share love and respect for each other and understand that the other person will stand by even if the world turns it’s back on to him/her. You dream of marrying the person , talk about it and continue the beautiful journey of Life together.
If you were in a relationship/love am sure you would have figured out until now in which phase and why it ended and what went wrong.
 If you are in a relationship try thinking which phase you are in. Am sure similar things which I talked about must have happened in your relationship. There must had been a time when you felt that things are going in wrong direction and a fear must had set in.
For others, who are yet to be in a relationship or you secretly love someone, you wont agree to even a word of what all you read just now. But I request you to keep this in mind and try to make your first love/ relationship reach the fourth phase. Don’t jump into a relationship just for sake of experiencing it. Keep your honesty and purity intact and wait for the right person.

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