Saturday 4 July 2015

Death by chance

You are crossing road. And suddenly a car comes from nowhere at a high speed and boom…crashes on you, you are dead. Was it death by chance? Or was it destiny? Or was it combination of both? Or did your god decide that your time was up? If so, then why so early – you have not even lived half of normal life expectancy of a human? Did you do so much bad in your so less time at earth that you deserved to die? What about your family – why they need to suffer every moment for rest of their lives missing you?

I was asked a question couple of months back in a corporate training – what do I fear the most in life. My reply left many surprised – I said an unnatural unexpected death. Obviously hearing this I was asked to explain a bit more in detail to which I replied that I don’t believe in god, I don’t believe in hell and heaven. I believe that once I die – I will not feel anything after that, there is no afterlife. I know no one understood there what I meant. I know many stopped listening to me after hearing out my first few words which were “I don’t believe in god”.


My theory is that there is someone powerful controlling me but it is not god. If it was god – he would not do bad to good people, if he wanted to kill someone then I am very much sure there are much more bad people on this planet that he should had called. There is someone else in this galaxy who is controlling our lives (may be something matrix like – who knows). If god created us, then atleast he should have given everyone same number of years to live. Oh god if you are there, then you should not have done that – you should have atleast kept some equality in human beings.

Thursday 12 March 2015

A complete life???

I have been running for last almost four years for a moment when I could say that my life is complete. I don’t think it has happened till now. Initially I used to feel sad about it thinking why am I not able to achieve that despite trying my best. My definition of a complete life was simple – being with family and friends, finding happiness in that and trying my best to keep them happy too.

I think the circumstances and the direction in which my life has moved in last 8-10 months, it will never happen. I feel I need to change my definition of a complete life if I want to remain happy. May be living at a distance remains the only solution where I can be happy and I can keep them happy too. May be that is the destiny or may be that is what is the meaning of life. I do not know if it is a selfish thought or a realistic thought but it is what seems to be happening. I guess its time I change my definition of a complete life to limit my and other people sadness.

It does not mean that I am going to forget the original definition of a complete life. I can never forget that and deep inside I can never stop running after that. But it is something which I have to leave it on time and hope that it happens. For everyone’s including my happiness its something I can not openly run after. It is something which now needs to start moving towards me by luck or by chance.

At first, I thought it is going to be very difficult. But then the support of everyone around me over the last few months (which have been quite tough) in making this transition has made this task easier. I guess it has actually taken me somewhere a step closer. And I now actually have started to understand that no matter how much the physical distance is between the loved ones, love never gets lost.