Sunday, 16 October 2011

Love or Desire

Exactly this very date on calendar three years ago, they both had professed their love. Today they were miles apart in terms of both distance and feelings. Nevertheless, he still loved her and had a hope to see her again. I told him zillion times that its all over. He had understood this long time back but somewhere the hope still languished in heart and was strong enough to completely take control of his senses.
He decided to give it a try again. I pleaded to him to not to enter the trap again. But I knew he wont stop so didn’t force him. He said it will be a last try. So happily, he wrote her a mail that he will be waiting for her at the same place where they met exactly a year ago.
With this started what I feared. For next two hours, he kept on checking his mailbox every minute hoping for a reply from her side. It never came. I thought this would be the end but then he took his car keys and told me he is going to that place. When asked for the reason , he said “ I guess she hasn’t replied because she wants to surprise me by directly showing up there”. I could see the confidence of love in his eyes so I decided not to discourage him at that moment and I just said “I hope so too”.
It was past midnight. He had not returned or replied to any of my calls. I went to that place but it was closed. Finally, he came around 2 am. I wanted to scream at him but then even before I could say a word he hugged me and started crying and kept on repeating, “She didn’t come”.
After an hour when I felt he was normal , I decided to have a talk. I knew I had to get him out of this mess and make him understand that this is the end.  For next half hour I gave him a big lecture. He didn’t utter even a single word , just kept on nodding the head.
In the end , he said “ I understand you completely. I just want to send her a last mail to tell her that I waited for her there and since she didn’t turn up or replied to my mail , I am not going to get in touch with her again “. Again, I knew that even if I say No to him , he will still do it.
He sent her a mail and went to bed. I was still scared for him, so I waited for him to sleep. Suddenly don’t know the reason but some thought in my mind made me to login to his laptop. I opened his mailbox and went to the sent mails section. I opened the last mail. It read :
Hey dear,
Am sure you must be busy in something very important and that’s why you could not come to the place and reply to my mail. Its ok , I understand that.
I will wait for you at the same date and place next year. Do make it that time.
Loads of love
I had no clue how to react to that. A part of me wanted to wake him up and give me a huge lecture but then a bigger part of me realized that he loves her truly, madly & deeply and nothing except time can make him forget her and till then it’s the hope to be with her which is keeping him alive and I should not try to kill the hope abruptly.
I never talked about that mail with him. That date next year I ensured that, I stayed with him the whole day and kept his mind occupied with something or the other.
I am not sure how to name his feelings. In the beginning am sure it was love , but with time it turned into an unfulfilled desire which he wanted to achieve. The worst part was that this desire was not taking him forward in life but thankfully time as always proved again to be the best healer.

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