Saturday, 24 March 2012

Take me back to past or show me the future

I did not know what I wanted in life when I joined Infosys. Yes I had no clue if I ever wanted to be a software engineer. From second year of my college, I knew I wanted to do MBA, study about the world , markets , understand the human mentality.
I joined infy because of the great NRN. I always have been a fan of him. So it was a easy choice despite the other two jobs being in delhi. Now if I think this move changed my life forever. I lost almost everything because of this.
The only thing I learned during engineering was not to be scared of any subject and study anything and everything and clear the papers even if I don’t understand a word of it. So from studying electronics & telecom to C++, was not that difficult. Eventually, I had developed interest in C++, and had become good at it. Was among the toppers. At that point of time, I had decided to work for 3-4 years in software industry and then go for exec-MBA outside India. Everything was going smooth till one day…………………………………
Life had turned upside down. All the dreams came down crashing. Had no clue where both professional and personal life was heading to. Family and close friends came to rescue.
If things go wrong once, you always fear it may repeat. That fear is the worst feeling. I too fear the same. I don’t want some external entity to stop me from chasing the dream.
I wish I have an idea today if am taking the right path. I don’t want that couple of years later I look back at this time and again say that I repeated a mistake, the same mistake that I did when I decided to go to Infosys.
I admit the support from my family and close friends has been fantastic. They always ensure that I don’t feel out of the place, but somehow I miss them so much that sometimes the emotions get better of me. I don’t want that couple of years later I look back at this sacrifice and think what have I achieved from this…….
From family dinners, to walks with my dog, to playing cricket with school friends, I want them all…..
I want everything and everyone back. I want to feel the perfect life again. I miss that feel. I want to say again the line I once said in December 2008, “ My life is perfect ,because god and you are with me”.
Or I wish I get a sign from somewhere which tells me that what is happening today is for a better future………

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