Say No to Crackers

When I was a kid, I was always very excited about this festival, looking forward to spending the evening with my cousins. They loved burning crackers and I used to stand at a corner and participate with small crackers. That was long time ago, when I was in I think 5^th or 6^th standard. After that the next couple of years, I celebrated Diwali in Chennai. There it was celebrated as a get together in the society, a good dinner and some crackers.

I guess that was the last time I celebrated diwali with crackers. Yeah I don’t like crackers, I hate pollution. The only thing I like about diwali is to see the city decorated with lights. Delhi looks really beautiful.

This year too diwali for me is about lighting candles. I do that every diwali , I buy some candles and light them in evening. After diwali prayers, dugdug and I sit in my room, with AC on and watch TV. Its impossible for both of us to even think of going out in open, for me its because of pollution and for him he is scared of the noise because of crackers.

Now more and more of my friends have joined the anti-cracker campaign with me that is heartening to see. So this diwali I have plans to meet some couple of college friends in afternoon and then play PS3 with school friends in evening. That should be fun.

Wish you all a very happy and prosperous Diwali.

Celebrate it with candles not crackers. J

Love or Desire

Exactly this very date on calendar three years ago, they both had professed their love. Today they were miles apart in terms of both distance and feelings. Nevertheless, he still loved her and had a hope to see her again. I told him zillion times that its all over. He had understood this long time back but somewhere the hope still languished in heart and was strong enough to completely take control of his senses.

He decided to give it a try again. I pleaded to him to not to enter the trap again. But I knew he wont stop so didn’t force him. He said it will be a last try. So happily, he wrote her a mail that he will be waiting for her at the same place where they met exactly a year ago.

With this started what I feared. For next two hours, he kept on checking his mailbox every minute hoping for a reply from her side. It never came. I thought this would be the end but then he took his car keys and told me he is going to that place. When asked for the reason , he said “ I guess she hasn’t replied because she wants to surprise me by directly showing up there”. I could see the confidence of love in his eyes so I decided not to discourage him at that moment and I just said “I hope so too”.

It was past midnight. He had not returned or replied to any of my calls. I went to that place but it was closed. Finally, he came around 2 am. I wanted to scream at him but then even before I could say a word he hugged me and started crying and kept on repeating, “She didn’t come”.

After an hour when I felt he was normal , I decided to have a talk. I knew I had to get him out of this mess and make him understand that this is the end.  For next half hour I gave him a big lecture. He didn’t utter even a single word , just kept on nodding the head.

In the end , he said “ I understand you completely. I just want to send her a last mail to tell her that I waited for her there and since she didn’t turn up or replied to my mail , I am not going to get in touch with her again “. Again, I knew that even if I say No to him , he will still do it.

He sent her a mail and went to bed. I was still scared for him, so I waited for him to sleep. Suddenly don’t know the reason but some thought in my mind made me to login to his laptop. I opened his mailbox and went to the sent mails section. I opened the last mail. It read :

“

Hey dear,

Am sure you must be busy in something very important and that’s why you could not come to the place and reply to my mail. Its ok , I understand that.

I will wait for you at the same date and place next year. Do make it that time.

Loads of love

“

I had no clue how to react to that. A part of me wanted to wake him up and give me a huge lecture but then a bigger part of me realized that he loves her truly, madly & deeply and nothing except time can make him forget her and till then it’s the hope to be with her which is keeping him alive and I should not try to kill the hope abruptly.

I never talked about that mail with him. That date next year I ensured that, I stayed with him the whole day and kept his mind occupied with something or the other.

I am not sure how to name his feelings. In the beginning am sure it was love , but with time it turned into an unfulfilled desire which he wanted to achieve. The worst part was that this desire was not taking him forward in life but thankfully time as always proved again to be the best healer.

Crazy Mad World

Every Monday I wake up and the first thought that crosses my mind is “Here starts another week”. The goal in mind is to have a good week in office, do the work well, come up with good fancy numbers, stats and transform them into well-written reports, ensure everyone is happy with my work, and wait for the Friday evening. By Wednesday, I plan for the weekend, book tickets for movie ensuring the timings do not clash with the football matches.

Its been four months I have been doing this week in and out. Yes am enjoying doing this. Feels good to be a part of financial world. I don’t wish to think much about future as what I should be doing 1 year down the line, 2 years down the line or say 5 years.

But strangely the World do thinks about me even if I don’t want to think. So people come up to me and ask “Hey machha, so how much time more you plan to stay in Chennai “? , “ Dude aren’t you tired working 12 hours daily “ ? , “ So Rauuullll, settled in job, when do you plan to marry? ” ..

Initially I tried to give logical answers to each of them, “Chennai, I guess another 2 years”, “ Naah am having fun working and I stretch the working hours myself as I have loads of work “ , “ I plan to settle down after 3 years”.

But then I was flooded with counter questions, “ Whaaattttt, you cant survive in Chennai for 2 years”, “ Think about your health, don’t work for 12 hours” ,  “ Isnt it too late for marriage ?”

So I came up with some witty answers :D . “ I love Chennai, am going to live here for my life”, “ Work is God, I plan to stretch my timings further more “ , “ Please please find me a good girl , am ready to get married asap”.

I thought that was going to stop the world from asking me further questions. But the World is actually mad. One of them actually came up with a stupid counter question, “Will it be fine if the girl is vegetarian? “. I just stared at him and left without saying any word.

Resolutions Update

Its the month of October now. I made this list in December 2010 and was really excited by the time I ended this list thinking I have so much to look forward to this year.

I guess it has been a good year till now.

1. Start reading novels - Read some novels when I was free in Delhi. Havent read anything since I started working. Plan to start a novel today.

2. Learn guitar - Naah..Havent joined any guitar class yet. Somehow I feel I dont have patience to learn it.

3. No stupid personal hiccups/relations - Absolutely. Dont even have time to get into all this now. Everything ended with college.

4. Enjoy work n life in new job - I am having a good time in office. Not sure about life as both seem to be same for me these days.

5. Do what i feel like - Have done that by coming to chennai and somewhere am proud of my decision.

6. Stay in touch with college/school friends - Have tried my best to stay in touch. Some reciprocated , so we are in touch, others god bless you.

7. Give a thought on drinking - Tried that. Didnt feel anything special about it , so I guess drinking is not for me.

8. Give a thought on leaving non-veg - Have left non- veg and I feel good about being a vegetarian. Am really happy I took this decision.

9. Clear CFA level 1 - Sadly didnt register for paper this year. But its something which is in my mind and I will surely be CFA someday in future.

10. Watch Formula 1 race in Noida - I will be in delhi on F1 weekend and if I feel like going I will surely make it somehow.

11. Cut down on online time - My job has ensured this.

12. Learn a new sport ,may be lawn tennis/swimming - Have time only during weekend and am left with no energy to play.

13. Visit goa,singapore,rajasthan n thailand - Postponed to next year.

14. Save money n spend new year eve in US with smarth n puneet - Have saved enough money for this but with friend's marriage coming up in january, am not taking off in december.

15. Atleast complete half of the above 14 - Difficult to say, but am happy J

Anamika

  Jab tak saans hai,

     tab tak ek aas hai,

     Kahi to hogi wo,

     jiski mujhe talaash hai.

     Ek chehra jo dhundla sa dikhai deta hai,

     ek aawaz jo aahat si sunai padti hai,

     khwabon mein jo aati hai,

     kahi to uski bhi ek buniyad hai.

         

     Mat de aur sitam khuda mere,

     kahi to tujhe bhi ye yaad hai,

     maangta hu tujhse roz usse,

     haar raha tujhpar se mera vishwaas hai.

     kar raha hu intezaar jiska,

                                                              aaj bhi uska ek ehsaas hai

                                                              na jaane kyu nahi maanta ye dil,

                                                              shayad isika naam pyaar hai.


- Rauuullll
 26-09-11

Love for Life

No  no , am not talking about any girl. Am talking about football and music. :D

These two am sure will stay my love for life. Music is something that really cheers me up and football is something about which I can endlessly talk.

And now living in Chennai, these two are the only things which keeps me busy and happy for the time I don’t work in office. My day starts with alarm which is a song that wakes me up by 6 30 am. Next hour I spend getting ready whilst laptop plays my favorite songs. I get into the car and first thing I do is to set up my music system. Rest of the day I spend in office working.

But at same time am excited about the weekend. Because football matches happen at weekend. Have found many EPL fans in office and its fun to discuss with them the happenings in the league, take a dig at each other’s favorite team, though the banter is not upto the level it was in college.

Its not just because of this I love football and music. Somewhere I realize that I have made friends also because of my love for football and music. After end of Btech , everyone moved on to different cities for work and got busy in their lives. But everyone missed the football talks and used to get in touch on Monday to discuss the football weekend matches. Well Guys are Guys. J

And music, I never expected but music has played a big role in my life till now. Somehow I always feel the choice of music explains a bit about an individual personality and more often than not have seen it come true. Some of the best moments in my life I remember the song being played in the background and as always no long drive is possible without music.

Am not sure what passion means, everyone has different interpretation for it . But if it means something which you want to have and do for life then definitely music and football are the ones for me.

In My Memories

With time, tears will definitely stop rolling down the eyes. However to live life, eventually one needs to make an effort to smile.

Take today’s date and try to remember how your life was on this date in 2010, 2009, 2008. Not that difficult I guess. A little bit of thought on this and you will know if your life is moving in right direction.

I do this, quite often. Not intentionally, it just occurs to me time to time. Like it happened today. I remember a year ago this date I was excited and busy planning my future, deciding what career path I wish to take. 2009 First term exams in college, life was super hectic and bad. I wasn’t sure where life was actually moving both personally and professionally. 2008 I was actually in the best phase of my life. I can term that time as “Perfect “both personally and professionally. Was about to start my first job and was about to rise in love which finally was a big fall. 2007 seventh semester of Btech , had three jobs in hand , was having great time playing all kind of sports with friends.

So stupidly if I try to plot it in graph ( I guess my job has made me analyze everything with charts and graphs) , if 2007 was good  then 2008 was great. 2009 surely the lowest point in graph. 2010 the curve had again a positive slope.

Now comes the main question. Can I say September 17,2011 the curve is still heading north. Strangely, Mind says YES, heart says NO. That means professionally kinda yes, am happy with the way things are turning up. But personally a Big No. Away from family, living single life, its not that great.

I miss my life the way it was this very date in 2008 and if given a chance am ready to go back in time to this very date in 2008 and start again from there.  I have heard many people say they have no regrets about what has happened in past but I do have and I feel those people just lie because they are afraid to accept it.

The only good thing about the mistakes I did is that I have learned from them. Atleast I don’t repeat my mistakes. And I remember those golden days in 2008 with a smile.

I suggest you guys give it a shot and try to remember where you were this date last 4-5 years and do you miss something or are you very much happy with where you are right now. A simple thing to do , will take 10 minutes but I do believe will make you smile and feel good about life.